Lucky Mud: Music

The Sinkhole Song

(Lucky Mud)

March 13, 2010

Mike McKinney

Just a little ditty about the end of the world.

It started as a call to the local police, when the dispatcher said, "Can I help you, please?"
She heard the man on the line say, without hesitation
I think I'm on the edge of a bad situation
You see, early this morning I went out in the yard
To get the morning paper
And to water the garden
But all of my tomatoes and my clothesline pole
Was sitting at the bottom
Of a seven foot hole
Well, I was just looking where my garden used to be
When the hole got bigger
And it swallered my tree
Then it ate my fence
And my mailbox, too
So I'd get out here fast if I was you

But you know by the time to police showed up
The sinkhole was chewing
On a pickup truck
And by the time the police
Called the National Guard
The big hole ate up
The house and the yard
Then it nibbled on the driveway
Munched a little more
Stretched out and gobbled up
The house next door
The ace commentator
On the six o'clock news
Concluded there was nothing
Anyone could do

But the experts came
From all over the state
They talked about the sinkhole
Watched while it ate up
A four lane road
And the Omelet Shoppe
And they all agreed
That was where it would stop
But the hole kept growing
and everybody ran
While it ate up the houses
And the experts' van
And people watched the news
From miles around
As the sinkhole at up
The entire town

Well, they tried concrete
And dynamite
And engineers worked
On through the night
But the hole got deeper
And the hole just grew
It ate Orlando
And Tampa, too
It ate condominiums
It ate Spook Hill
It ate up Miami and Jacksonville
And double-wide trailers
Lined up in a row
Before it sucked up
The Gulf of Mexico

Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee
Both Carolinas
Fell into the sea
Mississippi, Missouri
And Louisiana, too,
All disappeared
In that sinkhole brew
While farther up North
In the seat of the nation
Senators and congressmen
Passed Legislation
Making it illegal
With a very stiff fine
For sinkholes to cross
The Mason Dixon line

But the hole kept going
And it broke the law
It ate Indiana
And Arkansas
It ate Massachusetts
And it ate up Maine
And it chewed up the prairies
On the Western Plain
It swallowed up the Rockies
And was doing fine
But it stopped dead still
On the California line

And the people of California laughed
At the strange twist of fate
That left them
Of all people
The remaining state
So they decided to have
a big jubilee
But a San Andreas earthquake
Dropped them into the sea

© 2010 Lucky Mud